The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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