As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
