i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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