what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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