don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
