About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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