chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
