You're a womanizer and a bitch.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
