She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
