is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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