he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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