My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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