i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
