Quick, to the slutcave!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Thank you for not boning my boss.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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