if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
