My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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