Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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