Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
