guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
