your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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