I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
