So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
