kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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