You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
