you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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