I'll bet she douches with gravy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
