We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
