When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Come see our sink grown plant.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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