just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's never too late to be topless.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
