no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
