Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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