He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
