you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
