VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
