Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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