I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
