I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
