He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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