Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My ass is underappreciated
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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