so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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