giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
