I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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