Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
