I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
