Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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