woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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