Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
