Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
