Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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