The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
