After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
